Marked With an Asterisk

Hello Friends in the Computer,

I am recently returned from the International Legal Technology Association annual conference. I thought this would be a good time to catch up since we last spoke at the beginning of the summer.

Overall, I can’t say I had a good time at ILTAcon, although many good times were had. I definitely didn’t have a bad time, though! Nothing even remotely terrible at all happened the entire time I was there. It was generally enjoyable. It’s just that… I also had a weird time.

Everything’s fine! Everything’s great! It’s just that..

Unlike TECHSHOW or WAI when anyone asked me how I was doing

at ILTACON I kept it together better, but I still felt like there was an imaginary asterisk marked to any expression of being fine, like a tainted sports record.

Y’all know I love a good analogy or euphemism and the fact that I can’t quite nail one for the present situation is sort of killing me. It’s not fiddling when Rome burns. Or re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Or something related to Cabaret. I’m sure there’s an episode of The Twilight Zone where a character experiences the same feelings that I currently am but I can’t quite remember it.

This is close:

When I was in 4th grade, it was my turn one late winter day to go to the library for computer time. I wasn’t that into computers, honestly, but my elementary school was a Frankenstein of old buildings patched together and the library was in the basement on the opposite side of the conglomeration so like any normal 10 year old, the opportunity to freely roam spooky passageways was always welcomed by me. Plus…the library!

I dutifully played Oregon Trail and then chatted with the librarian because I was that kind of kid. She let me check out books from any grade level so we were tight. A bulletin came over her radio and I when I got back to class I said “Mrs. King, I have some news to tell you!” And she said “Sarah it can wait until after I’m done with this lesson, go to your seat.”

Now I was a precocious child and generally well behaved. But I sat there with my hand up WAVING for THE ENTIRE time it took that woman to finish her lecture. Clearly exasperated, she finally said “okay Sarah, tell us your news…” and barely able to contain myself I yelled “THE SPACE SHUTTLE BLEW UP.” She said “Why didn’t you tell me???” (Ten Year Old Me: 😒) Then we all went next door to Mrs. Mullins’ classroom and they brought in a TV and we spent the afternoon being traumatized by repeatedly watching astronauts die.

GEN X! <jazz hands>

The period of time where I was aware of something terrible and annoying Mrs King with my stubbornness is the closest to how I feel now, but still not quite right.

I’m not trying to cast myself as a Cassandra and cursed/gifted with some rare insight. I think lots of people know what I know and are taking action based on that. I think if anything I’m just annoyed with myself for not being more chill. More chill about…the possible Bubble(s) threatening to pop and bring down several industries and economies. Or the purpose and many failures of the legal profession. Or Fascism.

You know, that stuff.

Which I know I should NOT be chill about but isn’t it pretty to think so?

I’m worried that this post will become across like Lisa Simpson’s “Cesspool on the Potomac” speech in Mr Lisa Goes to Washington. That’s not my intention at all. At all! I’m not trying to criticize anyone or thing. I don’t know what is in people’s hearts and I’m always open to the possibility that I am not right. I guess I’m just trying to explain why, although everyone was very nice and welcoming and many people are doing very cool things and mean very well, there were several times throughout the past week that I was struck by how much my personal values were not aligned with what was happening in National Harbor.

I don’t necessary mean “values” as a synonym for “ethics” or “morals”, although sometimes I do. But sometimes I mean it as “I do not value the thing that everyone else seems to be enjoying and I wish I had an alternative thing to enjoy in community with others but I don’t seem to see one so I guess I’ll do my own thing. It’s cool.”

“I guess I don’t seem to see one so I guess I’ll do my own thing, it’s cool” seems to be my destined path in life but I think I was expecting to find more fellow travelers this week and didn’t thus…it felt weird.

(As an aside, when we were kids my sister - as part of CCD - made a poster for Elizabeth Ann Seton that had her in silhouette and said “Be like Mother Seton and do your own thing!” It hung in our shared bedroom for years and to this day when some occasion to use the phrase “do your own thing” comes up, my sister and I will add “like Mother Seton!” But anyways, I guess the poster stuck. CATHOLICISM! <jazz hands>)

And again, it was a generally enjoyable conference. I’m just incapable of not overthinking things. So I felt weird a lot of the time. And as a reminder, nothing I say here on my personal website should be taken as a reflection of or endorsed by my employers, organizations I am affiliated with, or replicated without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

So what weirded me out? Well, here’s a couple of things…

There are few topics I really want to hear about less than “is Gen AI good” or “AFAs vs the billable hour”. So of course my dumb ass went to a session on “will Gen AI kill the billable hour?” But I really like a couple of the speakers so figured why not.

Now, I have a very broad view of Access to Justice. Basically, I have the belief that every client and participant in the legal system deserves - has a right, actually! - to have a well functioning system, receive adequate and efficient representation or assistance when needed, and otherwise be able to fully, equally, and equitably participate in it.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a single mom about to lose housing, an undocumented immigrant seeking asylum, or a multibillion dollar corporation just trying to keep pushing paper through their org. Right now the legal profession and system doesn’t work well for anyone, it’s just that some of us are better able to weather the hardships that are incurred.

So when the general consensus was that “well of course partners won’t use a tool that would be potentially more affordable for their clients because they’re making millions of dollars not using it” I was bummed. Seriously bummed. And yet also like:

See, here’s what really chaps my ass…over in the traditional A2J world, we’re told with varying degrees of annoyance “oh, sorry, we couldn’t possibly have services delivered by this tech or this group of people or share profits with this group because….lawyers are special. They have special obligations and oaths and would NEVER put profits over representation and honestly you should be ashamed of yourself for even suggesting such a thing.”

I’m still newish to this for profit world so I really was like “well slap my butt and call me Spanky” at how wildly acknowledged the refusal to be more cost efficient for clients is. I don’t want to throw around terms like corrupt but if anything it just seems so intellectually LAZY to not constantly try to be better in your work? Do people just really not want to…improve…themselves? Or their work? In a service profession? Which law is? Or assume that eventually someone who DOES do it better/cheaper/faster will replace you?

(Also, no one said anything and I was fully rehearsed with an answer if they did, but speaking of self improvement, as I’ve mentioned previously I’m trying to get healthier and according to my fancy scale, since February I’ve lost 45lb (plus gained nine pounds of muscle) and no one said anything even vaguely and while it’s good to not comment on other people’s bodies I have to admit to being a little bummed and also wondering “was I so fat that I lost 45 pounds (and gained nine pounds of muscle) and NO ONE NOTICED???” So. Anyway. That’s today’s moment of vanity.)

I’m not completely hippy dippy and I am not some naive naïf who is like “wait…people go into law or tech to MAKE MONEY???” But another thing that made me feel weird at ILTAcon was the extreme displays of wealth and wastes of money and resources for a temporary event. I’ve been publicly feeling weird about swag for about 20 years now so I’m not going to cover that ground again. But did every available surface need to be covered with an advertisement? Including in the bathrooms? There was just so much of everything.

I have a new theory about the ads. It’s either been completely obvious to everyone else and I just caught on or maybe I’m totally full of shit. The ads at conferences always puzzled me. To avoid mentioning names, let’s pretend this was the National Harbor Auto Show. And everyone in attendance was either a race car driver, member of a pit crew, owns a race team, or is a manufacturer of cars or car parts. Now, everyone who goes knows who Ferrari or McLaren is. They’re probably aware of their new product lines. So why bother spending money on advertising?

I didn’t get it until I read someone describing the deployment of the National Guard in cities - and, don’t worry, we’re going to talk about that - and how it’s more about having a display of force than actually using force. (Although as an Ohio native, I am fully expecting a Kent State repeat.) I realized the numerous ads weren’t aimed at me or attendees, at least not in the traditional way advertisements are used. Instead, these are displays of power and resources by tech companies. They’re peacocking, for lack of a better word. For each other, for potential investors, and potential customers. Look what advertising we can buy, what gifts we can give away, how big our booth is, and what parties we can throw.

Whoop-Dee-Doo.

But it’s also interesting to note who DOESN’T play that game. In an open dick measuring contest, they’re walking around with BDE.

Gross. Sorry.

This post is already too long so maybe I will cover it some other day (and I already talked about it a bit in last post), but I do want to register my concern again about how big the funding and valuations are getting not to mention a lot of this is propped up by the regular AI industry and THAT bubble REALLY feels like it’s gonna pop plus several main figures in mainstream tech seem to have lost their goddamn minds.

But anyway.

I don’t begrudge anyone their parties. Personally I have no interest of going somewhere late at night with blaring music, struggling to hear anyone and yelling to be heard, just to get some free snacks and drinks and maybe be in an interesting venue. It’s just not fun or worth it and honestly with my brain chemistry, I need some time to unwind in the evening and power my brain down or risk kicking into a manic state. But I was still tempted to go because…well, no one likes being left out. I kept saying “I wish vendors would do an early morning social with maybe nice pastries and good coffee” and I think people thought I was joking but I was not.

Finally there was the big elephant in the room which is what is happening in the United States. No one really wanted to acknowledge or talk about and the lack of acknowledgement made me feel weird. And…I get it. No one wants to be…rude…in a professional setting. I live in Indiana and I’m not 100% sure where the guy across the road was on January 6, but let’s just say I suspect he wasn’t in Indiana. But when I’m in my yard watering my flowers and he is in his adjusting his flags, he waves and me and I wave back and we both mutter “traitor” under our breath.

See? Midwest nice! <jazz hands>

There were probably plenty of people in attendance who are made so uncomfortable by the thought of a dozen or so children playing for a sports team that doesn’t match their gender assigned at birth or that the signs in Walmart were suddenly also in Spanish that they decided authoritarianism was the way to go. To those people, all I can say is, in the words of David Lynch, “fix your hearts or die.”

But here’s the thing…I don’t know who said it, but I’m pretty fond of the saying “even if you don’t do politics, politics is gonna do you.”

Agree with what’s happening or don’t but…don’t pretend like things aren’t happening?Especially when a few miles away National Guard troops were being deployed against US civilians. There have been huge seismic shifts politically, socially, economically and we have not begun to feel even a bit of the effects to come but surely we all know they’re coming? We do, right?

This wasn’t a tech conference this was a LEGAL tech conference and as such I don’t think you can extricate it from everything that’s happened, happening, and will happen to the Rule of Law. And yes, it’s an international audience, but unfortunately for everyone who isn’t a USian, our failures in the upholding the Rule of Law can’t be easily contained to our borders. It is entirely possible this was being talked about and factored into conversations and I just wasn’t in the room where it was happening. If so, great! I mean, not great. It would be better to not have to factor all of this in.

So anyway, I had many good times at ILTA this year and learned a lot and had great conversations and I wish I didn’t feel weird a lot of the time I was there but I did and if you felt weird too, you weren’t the only one.

Be well,

Sarah